I have sat there with that question running through my head on many occasions. I have daydreamed about the life I “should have had” and mourned over the things I will never get to do.
I have drifted off to sleep imagining scenarios of the things I might be doing now if life hadn’t gone this way.It isn’t healthy and it doesn’t do me any good in the long run, but I can’t help it even so.
For the most part I’m happy with my life but there are points where I stuggle. I have months where I get ill and am rushed in and out of hospital numerous times. I’ll end up feeling exhausted mentally aswell as physically and ask myself “why do I have to do this? Why do I have to fight all the time?” It doesnt seem fair to have to struggle to do the simplest things, to spend most of my time in emergency rooms.
Then I have the good days, the days that make me see what I do it for. There are more of these days than there are the bad. The life I “should have had” isn’t the life I’ve been given,but I’m strong enough to live the one I have been.
I’ll always have my “what if?” moments I’m sure I’m not the only one.
I’m writing this because I’ve been going through one of those months and I wanted to get this out and let you inside my head. It’s not always a happy place but I’m okay with that.
Daniella x x